Articles/Game Reviews/PC/Bibleman: A Fight For Faith

I first became aware of the Bibleman franchise after stumbling upon two videos from it on NetFlix. It looked like a low budget series for kids, which it is, so I didn't bother renting them. A few months later, I found bibleman.com, the official website for the franchise.

At the bottom, I noticed that they were selling a Bibleman video game called "A Fight For Faith" for a steep $40. Strangely enough there were no details about the game except for an awful video clip showing no in-game scenes. What kind of a trailer shows nothing from the actual game? These people clearly had something to hide!

The only thing the trailer did tell me is that playing the game allows you to "read exciting bible scripture" and "engage in battles against evil". Wow, was I ever pumped!

After some more investigating, I managed to find that they had a demo on cNet so I took the liberty of downloading and installing it. After the typical intro videos saying who the developers were and so forth, I was given a menu. I glanced through the options menu (which only had three different configurable settings) and quickly selected "New Game".

I was then given the opportunity to choose a character (unfortunately Bibleman was locked so I had to choose a sidekick) and start the game. What followed was a horrible 5 minute amateur video giving some meager storyline with awful acting and special effects. This video consisted mainly of a cheesy globe rotating in the background while a narrator described how to control the character and what keys to press to summon the Bibleman team.

I was then greeted by the worst looking computer game that I have played in 10 years. There were no 3D graphics and the screen showed a third person view of the character inside of the Bibleman headquarters. Picture the original Fallout game (or Baldur's Gate), only much more hideous and you have Bibleman.

The controls turned out to be very awkward as well. You have to click and hold the mouse button for your character to move anywhere and it is difficult to click on objects. The game won't allow you to click on an object and automatically move the character over by it. Instead, it gives messages like "The box is too far away" and makes you scream in anger.

The animations are even worse. The animations of the character walking are jumpy and don't stream together properly. I also noticed that there was a lot of clipping going on (one minute I would be on a staircase and the next minute I would be below it). The game seems to run slow, even though it is running on my 2.4GHz P4 system. If I can run Half-Life 2 smoothly, I should be able to run a crappy 2d game without stuttering, yet this is not the case.

After walking around for a few minutes without any objectives or instructions showing up, I grew tired of opening crates to find bibles every time. I decided that I had wasted enough time on this crap game and could write this review.

In conclusion, Bibleman: A Fight For Faith is not a game you should pay $40 for. It is not a game you should pay $10 for either. This game is so terrible that they should pay you to play it. I have played free games that came with cereal boxes that were better than this (Chex Quest was awesome). Don't buy this for your kids, don't buy it for yourself, and most of all, don't buy it and make the publisher think that anyone wants a sequel to this garbage. This game gets our lowest rating of 0 stars and the steaming turd award for being one of the worst games of all time.